In Musings

I think i may be too hard on myself. In my attempts to live a ‘supernatural lifestyle’ (whatever that looks like), i often beat myself up if i don’t get something right first time round or assume that i must have made a mistake if whatever i’ve stepped out to do doesn’t come off as i had hoped or planned. I remember going out onto the streets of London a few years ago with my wonderful friend Toni and praying for the sick (or anybody we could find who would let us pray for them!) and wondering what i was doing wrong as we didn’t seem to be seeing any miracles happening as we prayed. I remember walking away disappointed as time and again we weren’t seeing any ‘success’, wondering if i was really built for supernatural life after all. Maybe the promise of the miraculous was meant for ‘special’ christians who were more anointed than i was? More recently though, i’ve started wondering if my only mistake at that time was to underestimate the beauty and the nature of process. When a child learns to walk or talk no one with any sense is assuming that they’ll be able to do it successfully on the first attempt. In fact, no one with any sense assumes that they’ll be able to do it successfully on the hundredth attempt either! It takes countless attempts for a child to step out until eventually their stumbles look more like walking rather than falling, and their words become intelligible instead of baby babble. But if you look at their parents during this process, they never once punish the child for falling instead of taking a successful step, or for mispronouncing a word for the hundredth time even though dad has taken great pains to sound the word out correctly for the child to follow. As we see stumbles and hear nonsensical sounds from the child, no one comes to the conclusion that the child wasn’t actually created to walk or talk. That somehow those are gifts reserved for ‘special’ or ‘super’ children – which as evidenced by their failed attempts, our children do not possess. In the natural, we understand the beauty and nature of process well. Why then, do we not apply this same principle to our attempts at stepping out in supernatural life? Why do we set up such impossibly high standards for ourselves as if our heavenly Papa is growing impatient with us as He watches us stumble, wondering if we’ll ever get it right. He has grace for the process, and so must we. Every time we fall instead of walk, our heavenly Papa is there to pick us up, dust us off and say, ‘That’s ok, we’ll try again tomorrow, you’ll get it eventually – i made you to!’ No amount of stumbling and failure is proof that we were not made for the miraculous or that signs and wonders are reserved for someone other than us. Each and every one of us carries DNA aglow with supernatural life, which means we were created with the miraculous in mind. If you’re someone like me, who still often finds herself stumbling – resembling more a fall than a walk in the supernatural, take heart. Your heavenly Papa is right there with you with a big smile on His face – attracted much more to your faith than your performance – and is saying, ‘That’s ok my love. We’ll try again tomorrow’.

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